Mind Your Own Buttons

CBS Sunday Morning this week featured a sweet story about a magical little button shop in NYC, Tender Buttons. There are buttons upon buttons for every garment imaginable, with prices ranging from 50 cents to $2000. Some of them are works of art and many are vintage with a full back-story imbedded in between the buttonholes. Storeowner and button collector, Millicent Safro, is very proud of her museum-like button empire and watches over them protectively, preciously, until someone else falls in love with them and takes ownership of them.

Oddly, it got me thinking about a discussion I recently had with a friend who was dealing with some boundary issues with a co-worker who really knew how to push her buttons. Out of that dialogue came the mantra: “Be in charge of your own buttons.”

When you push a button such as an elevator button, a website button, etc., it sets something in motion or switches it on. What do your buttons signify and what gets switched or set in motion when they are pushed?

Take a moment and learn from your own buttons. What happens when someone pushes them? What’s the back-story of your “buttons?”

Here are some tips on dealing with your buttons:

• Name your buttons – anger, fear, rejection, insecurity. Recognize that the back-story of your own button is just that, back-story or history that has nothing to do with the present moment or the person you’ve designated as your button-pusher.

• Have a mental dialogue with yourself: “oh, there’s that anger button. Clearly my reaction stems from something that happened last week, last year, last decade, last millennium, which has nothing to do with this person or this conversation.”

• Then, disconnect the button – disengage from the negative association.

When someone thinks they know your buttons, and seem to purposely press them for their own purposes, understand that this has nothing to do with you but rather their own fears, insecurities, issues and anxieties; their own back-story. Their way of exerting control is to try and control you and your emotions which are intrinsically tethered to your buttons. This phase of the button-pushing scenario is about setting clear boundaries. That’s when you say to yourself, “one, two, three it’s not about me.”

The second agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s best-selling book, “The Four Agreements,” is “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” About this Ruiz says, “As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.”

One way to deal with your button-pusher is to say to them from a position of neutrality and truth, “while I appreciate your need to say what you just said, it’s not the way to address this issue with me. What are you really trying to say?” You just took control of your button by disengaging it, while at the same time allowing, if you choose to, the button-pusher to get on to the issue at hand.

Setting clear boundaries and being in charge of your buttons will lead toward stronger leadership and effective results.

When I Grow Up I Want to Be an Old Woman…

Today I’ve been sitting in the sweet aftermath of a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and these Michelle Shocked song lyrics keep running through my head: “When I grow up I want to be an old woman…”

And, when I’m that old woman, what I want to reflect on the most are my life’s connections, both the fleeting and the lifelong connections that made up the rich, elegant and profound fabric of my being. This takes me back to this recent weekend, which was full of just that – connecting; connecting to dear, old friends, to interesting new friends, and to faraway friends and family. And, on Saturday morning I volunteered at Operation Gratitude which is a wonderful organization that sends care packages to the troops. I went hoping to contribute something in a small way and walked away with an amazing feeling of global connection to the 4,000 men and women we packaged boxes for in that short three-hour time period. Wow, breathtaking.

It hit me this afternoon why I’m still glowing from this particular weekend and why those lyrics are stuck in my conscientiousness. It all reverberates strongly with one of my core values, that of “making meaningful connections.” It’s a primary driving force behind all that I do in my life, professionally and personally.

One of the key leadership principles we identify as Cashmere is “Be True to Your Authentic Self.” When you lead with authenticity, people are drawn to your sense of clarity which instills trust and loyalty. The path toward getting in touch with your authenticity starts with clearly identifying your own core values. What drives you? What makes you tick? What philosophies define your way of life?

Take a 20-minute break today and answer these questions with words and phrases that quickly come to mind. Many times the first notions that pop into our heads are the closest to truth:

• What makes you say yes and jump into an opportunity or situation?

• What makes you say no because it ‘goes against your grain’?

• What tugs at your heartstrings, filling you up with love?

• How do you define human behavior by the standards you feel in your bones?

• What fills you with gratitude?

• What fills you with determination?

• What determines how you treat people and how you want to be treated?

For those questions that need a little more time for reflection, spend the time.

Every decision you make, every risk you weigh, every person you meet will ultimately filter through your core value system, whether you’re aware of it or not. It happens organically on a subconscious level. To be completely authentic and to seize full advantage of being present in your life and leading with purpose, take the time to identify, honor and utilize your core values, bringing them into your daily consciousness. It’s a powerful and centered place from which to lead your life and your business.

Focus Pocus – Put Focus on Top of Your To-Do List

Fifteen phone messages need to be returned, 55 emails need to answered, the laser printer needs ink, a proposal needs to be written for a sales pitch, an annual report needs to be delivered in a half hour, your son called and forgot his baseball uniform, six employee evaluations sit on your desk – due yesterday, you have to reschedule a lunch meeting for twenty, oh and Hugh Jackman is on the Today Show…and it’s only 9:15 a.m. What do you do first? Does your list of tasks, obligations and deadlines leave you sitting paralyzed at your desk?

Focus-Pocus!

I recently re-read two books which continually have a profound impact on my life and career. It’s hard to fathom that Think & Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill, was first written in 1937 because the principles still hold so true today. In fact, if you ask many of the top leaders currently, they’ll tell you they built their formulas for success based on Napoleon Hill’s brilliant insights and foresight. His book has become the Kleenex, if you will, or the generic brand, of platforms that teach us to focus on what we truly want in life as well as a clear blueprint to turn big thoughts into big reality.

The second book is The Power of Focus, by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Les Hewitt, in which they layout a guideline for attaining clear focus on goals and creating new habits that lead to success. They say, “success isn’t magic or hocus-pocus, it’s simply learning how to focus.”

A key attribute for being a Cashmere Leader is to be a Multi-Tasker. An effective multi-tasker can have several projects going on at once, but to be truly effective, one must use what we call “Focal Point Clarity,” which means peeling back the clutter around the current task so that it becomes your singular focus of the moment. A great illustration of Focal Point Clarity was in the film, THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE. Matt Damon played a golfer who had the ability to focus so clearly on the ball going into the cup that literally everything disappeared from his mind’s eye except the ball, his club, the flag and the hole. There were no trees, no screaming crowd, no judge and jury, no wind, no mind clutter. Just his focal point – putting the ball in the cup. It’s worth watching the YouTube link if you can find 6 minutes (after you’ve read the article)!

Napoleon Hill said, “Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind’s eye, and you will be drawn toward it.” The same principle can be used for a task on your growing list of to-do’s.

Here are some tips to help you focus and get to Focal Point Clarity.

• Stop to prioritize – list by due date and how long you think it will take to finish. You may have to do this 2-3 times a day.
• Schedule the time by project into your Outlook or calendar program.
• Clear everything else off your desk except for your task at hand – this is immensely helpful for peeling back the clutter, allowing your Focal Point Clarity to take shape.
• Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses – when you peel back the layers of the job in front of you, zero in on what makes you brilliant at doing what you do. Let that lead you. It brings some joy into the moment and before you know it, it’s complete.
• Keep a running list – when something pops into your head put it on a ‘pop-up list’ to be prioritized later.
• Handle email/mail only once – shuffling it around makes your lose your focus. Add it to your calendar if you need to and let people know you’ll be responding to email twice a day. That will help you stick to the schedule without being concerned about “ignoring” someone’s email.
• Set boundaries – set your own rules for interruption – hold your calls for a time, close your door, let people know when you’re available.
• Walk away – what does this have to do with focus? Taking a break allows your conscious mind to breathe while your subconscious mind continues to work. As Napoleon Hill said, “The subconscious mind works day and night.”

And, some other good tips to help you focus in general:

• 3 squares & 8 hours – get a good 7-8 hours of sleep followed by 3 meals filled with healthy brain food – proteins, anti-oxidants, grains, vegetables – during the day, particularly breakfast which revs your focus engine.
• Exercise – a steady flow of oxygen in the brain helps us focus, so get moving on a regular basis.
• Take vitamins – B Complex, A, C and E vitamins help keep the brain sharp.

The reason I picked up my well-worn copies of these books is because I can sometimes fall victim to the fast moving train of ideas, obligations and deadlines that flow by all day long! In fact, I like the train analogy because it describes how my brain starts my day. I’m standing on the train platform, sipping my first cup of java, gazing at the myriad of trains leaving the station for that day, with my mind’s voice yelling out the various ports of call, “All aboard! Platform 1 leaving for Writer’s Paradise; platform 2 leaving for Client Project Cove; platform 3 leaving for Fabulous Brand New Idea Island; platform 4 leaving for Hugh Ja… you get the idea. Then, I look down at the note next to my computer which says FOCAL POINT CLARITY, and I look at my PRIORITIZED to-do list that I made before I left work the night before. I board the selected train and begin my day’s journey. As a primarily right-brainer, I’ve learned that I must put Focus on the top on my daily to-do list, every day, day after day.

A Quote to Live By

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” ~ Napoleon Hill

A Quote to Live By

“Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

3 R’s for Being Successful Today

The memory of the original 3 R’s takes me back to grade school, when “Reading, ‘Riting, and ‘Rithmatic”, meant the basics in education. The idea was if you nailed the 3 R’s you had a good foundation for learning. And, undeniably, you couldn’t effectively learn other subjects if you couldn’t read or write. Wish it were still so simple today!

Forging a new way!

Now, in an ever-changing era of career re-invention and diversifying industries, the following 3 R’s describe essential qualities you must possess to stay current in your career.

§ Resilient – bouncing back from a layoff, or watching an industry transform before your very eyes, means you must be ready and willing for the change. Resilience involves building your coping skills, including stress management and a willingness to look at change as opportunity. Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein in their book, The Power of Resilience, call it a “resilient mindset” because “mindsets can be changed”.

• Create realistic goals and visualize their outcome on a regular basis.
• Be prepared – have a current resume and some ideas for a plan B.
• Have a positive outlook, which brings on more positive energy – it’s the law of attraction.

§ Relevant – to remain relevant means finding your place among the fast moving trends.

• Broaden your perspective and widen your horizons by exploring ancillary markets surrounding your current industry. How is your field expanding?
• Take inventory of your skill set and look for ways to leverage it.
• Take a class to improve and expand your expertise. On the other hand, teach a course on what you know, making you relevant as the expert others seek out.
• Create an online presence – it’s THE way to stay current. If you don’t, you’re behind the times. LinkedIn, Youtube, Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace are all good places to make connections, among others. Have a profile that flows easily between them. I recently jumped into Twitterverse and am having a blast with it. It’s an interesting community where you can follow like-minded people and they can follow you. It’s as good a marketing tool as you make it. I’m still getting the hang of it, but am working to build a platform there.

§ Resourceful – this means continually thinking outside the box.

• Branch out in other areas you’re passionate about – a hobby can pay off. A recent Wall Street Journal article cites a great example about a woman, who after being laid off, took her Wall Street skills along with her love of cooking with kids and created a business. Read the article to see how she did it: http://tinyurl.com/phv968
• Network, network, network – join associations, forums and discussion groups, offline and on. Pull out old contacts and make new ones. Create a web between them as you ask for referrals, etc.
• Find your mentors and ask for help – be specific in your request. People are generally flattered and love to be of assistance and when you’re specific it saves them time, allowing them to focus on your true need.

One of our Cashmere Approach Leadership Principles™ is that of being your own CEO when it comes to selling yourself. You are your best advocate; and the most successful of today’s CEO’s won’t survive without being Resilient, Relevant and Resourceful.

“Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.” — Jerome Kern

A Quote to Live By

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you make look back and realize they were the big things.” –Robert Brault

A Quote to Live By

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” John Wayne

Two Things to Be Grateful for Today May 7, 2009

1. Mercury Retrograde -

Why does the thought of Mercury retrograde petrify people in their tracks and at times make us feel like nothing is going right? Things can feel chaotic and confusing. It’s likely because they don’t understand the meaning of Mercury retrograde and how it can really help our lives, causing us to pause and take stock of upcoming decisions, contractual obligations, new beginnings, etc. According to alphalifetrends.com, “Mercury retrograde provides the opportunity to adjust our thoughts, attitudes and decisions about our issues and adjust our new direction as we move into 2009.” It will take place four times in 2009, and the current retrograde starts today and ends on May 30. So take this time to reassess, review and reconnect with where you are. Wait until after May 30 to make any decisions about where you’re going.

2. Santa Barbara’s Fire Dept -

These fearless men and women have been vigilant around the clock to contain the current raging fires in and around Santa Barbara, California. The strong winds aren’t helping and they put their lives in danger on a regular basis. We’re thankful for these everyday heroes. Check in here for fire updates… http://www.keyt.com

This e-book profiles some very cool women…

Very cool profiles of some very cool women:  Women of Personality.  It’s written by Rohit Bhargava.

Rohit is a founding member of the 360 Digital Influence group at Ogilvy and author of the award winning new marketing book Personality Not Included, an entertaining and useful guide for companies on how to use their personality to stand out.

You can even go on the Women of Personality site and nominate women for the next book.  Kudos, Rohit!